I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
