ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
