My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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