After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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