We're like a lot better than the average bears
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
