I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
