Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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