I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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