hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
