Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
