im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
