my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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