I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
