I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
