I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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