he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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