I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
