I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My vagina is officially offended.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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