: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
