ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
