I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
