I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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