i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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