I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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