You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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