If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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