1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
