Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do herpes really smell.
Are we still banned from the library?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
