It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
