There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Farmville is her only friend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
