i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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