i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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