You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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