it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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