I just pynch a tree in the face
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
