i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drunk is not a location!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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