he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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