I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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