don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
