there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
