she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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