We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
