and you said cock pushups were impossible
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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