How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
third nipple confirmed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
