Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
