I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm always down for nudity.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
