my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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