We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The uberlube is also flammable
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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