He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
