I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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