We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
