So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
50% drunk capacity currently
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
