great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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