by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
