With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
