did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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