dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
