You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
