Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
