I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
