If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
what is it with giant penises always finding me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
