sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
