I skipped work to stalk him.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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